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⁎A man grabs me from behind while I'm peeing at the urinal.
And I'm turning my head and looking at him and saying what are you doing but I'm still peeing. And he's just standing there frozen. Chris Brown is playing over the speakers.
While you were suffering from a severe severe fever you asked me to bring you a bowl of melted snow. We lived together in a small village on a mountain. And. You always worked so hard for me.
⁎Government sniper will kill whoever dares to leave this bar. Armed standoff in Uslaxa, California. I already watched at least ten of my closest friends blown straight to hell after stepping outside this bar. Government helicopter is foodlogging my best friends on national TV. We’re drawing the faces of the deceased on napkins and pinning them up on the wall behind the booths. We’ll be right back. Unable to clear us from our hole, they divert a plane full of 450 sleeping passengers straight into our location at maximum speed, melting every steel object in the vicinity on impact.
⁎I’m lying on my back in the back of an SUV as big as my apartment, finished in brown leather. In the catalogue it’s called Cigar Brown. I’m chewing gum, which always makes my ears start ringing. I know my body wants to break down. I’m thinking about Gatorade.
A long time ago I had to stay with my dad at a diamond mine in the Russian Far East for six months. I had to finish twelfth grade there, homeschooling. It totally changed the trajectory of my life. I lost all my friends. I’m putting my feet up on the window and smudging it. An ad on a building says “It’s not you, it’s everybody else.”
⁎I did it because I hate women, fusion power, and space exploration,
When a trade is giving me bad energy,
When my chances of success are decreased in both stocks and life in general,
Living in Hawaii,
Virgo season,
When the sound waves of the immense aircraft engines, propagating through my teeth, tongue, and palate, change the way food tastes,
Notes of plum, notes of smoke, or a surprising apricot finish,
When I found out my new fiancée has the same first name as me,
When powerful low-pressure weather systems disrupt my hormonal balance,
And incredible things I can't see at all
⁎I’m listening to the Apple News Today podcast while I bike straight into a revolving door and shatter every bone in my body.
People are coming and going in and out of the building through the adjacent doors without helping me. They don’t even take a second glance at the Ballardian orgy of flesh, rubber, and carbon fiber now compressed into a wedge-shaped space in the middle of the building’s threshold.
I am in immense pain. My existence has been reduced to various passing cell phone conversations, and immense pain.
About an hour later some paramedics show up unannounced, and load me into an ambulance piece by piece, with the urgency and enthusiasm of a haggard stay-at-home mom gathering toys off of a living room floor.
My recovery is long and immensely painful:
The hospital ran out of beds about six months into my stay, so I was moved to the roof and rolled up in a tarp for protection from the elements. They gave me incredibly strong drugs. I saw the faces of all my dead relatives, plus one ex-girlfriend who died of an overdose a few months after we broke up. There wasn’t much room inside the tarp for disembodied faces to float around, so their noses all brushed up against mine as they circled my head.
During my stay in the hospital I made an immense amount of money on crypto.